Uh-oh.
Another thing that forty-one years in the workforce has taught me is that meetings with one's boss and any H.R. representative are rarely happy ones.
After the standard greetings had been exchanged and we were all seated, my boss spoke. "We've noticed that you're still struggling with your work, due to your condition," (by which she meant Parkinson's disease) "and we feel that perhaps it might be time for you to take a short leave so that you can focus on your health."
I understood that a "short leave" meant my going on short term disability, which can be as long as twenty-six weeks (hardly my idea of "short") because my boss had tabled the possibility of my taking such a leave if my disease continued to affect my work during my last performance review.
Although the suggestion wasn't completely unexpected, I was still somewhat nonplussed. It was true that some of my Parkinson's symptoms were proving to be hindrances to my work. My typing speed had noticeably diminished due to reduced finger dexterity. My mental focus was constantly divided between work activities like writing and debugging code, testing programs and updating documentation versus trying not to drool all over myself. Another recent distraction was chronic lower back pain which I suspect resulted from improper posture caused by Parkinson's and which seemed to be exacerbated by prolonged sitting at my desk. It's hard to concentrate when your back hurts.
So, yes, my work was somewhat impaired, but I honestly didn't feel that it was to such a degree that a six-month leave of absence was called for. Clearly, my boss disagreed.
The uncomfortable question that was bouncing around my brain was whether she was truly doing this out of concern for my health and well-being, or if this wasn't just a conveniently "nice" way to get rid of me. After all, I would be off work and yet receiving my full salary for 14 weeks, after which I could stay off work at two-thirds of my regular pay for another 12 weeks. After that, I could return to the office in hopes that my long sabbatical had rejuvenated me to the point where I could once more be productive, or I had the option of switching to long term disability leave which, in my case, could take me right into retirement. You see, I would be 64 years old at the end of my short term disability period, with less than a year left before I reached retirement age.
It is well-known, however, that Parkinson's disease doesn't get better. It gets worse. It's progress can be slowed with the help of medication, exercise, therapy and even surgical procedures, but none of these things has ever been able to reverse or even stop the deterioration. It never gets better, so it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that I'm not going to magically return to my former job proficiency after my extended leave.
With all these things taken into consideration, I decided to play along and go on short term disability leave, as suggested. That was a month ago. Since then, I've been off work. It feels like I'm getting a sneak preview of what retirement will be like. I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands. This has its upside. I always said that I'm not the kind of person who can't find any other way to pass the time besides my job. I tend to make my own hobbies and pet projects. Beyond those, there always seems to be lots to do in and around my home. I have the time to exercise more regularly. And yet, I have to admit that there are times when I find myself wondering what I'm doing at home. This just doesn't feel right. I should be at the office debugging programs rather than whiling away my time at home.
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