Sunday, September 2, 2018

Nothing Boosts Church Attendance Like A Good War

My mother, on returning from Sunday morning services this morning, mentioned that the priest made a comment to the congregation about people who show up at the last minute or, worse, after the service has already begun.   Needless to say, he disapproved of such behavior.  Nevertheless, he delivered the admonition in as genteel a manner as he could, politely suggesting that people consider getting up a bit earlier in order to arrive in a timely manner, as opposed to thumping his fist on the lectern and invoking God's wrath on non-compliers.

In days past, it was not always so.  Mom recalled her childhood days, when priests were much more given to scolding the impenitent and the impertinent in a fire-and-brimstone manner.  She mused that this may have been because people took church a lot more seriously back in those days, shortly after the end of the second world war, consequently giving the clergy an inflated sense of self-importance.  She had a point.  Nothing boosts church attendance quite like a good war.

On the other hand, I'm reminded of a certain bit of fundamental airplane pilot wisdom which tells us that "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger.  If you pull the stick back, they get smaller,  unless you keep pulling it further back, in which case they get bigger again."  I suspect that church attendance follows a similar pattern.  When things get bad, attendance goes up, unless things continue to get even worse until there comes a point where attendance falls off, either because the worshipers have lost their faith, or because they are dead.  I wonder what church attendance is like in Syria nowadays?

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Sibling T.M.I.

My sister is one and a half years younger than I.  There's not a huge age difference between us, and the gap seems to get smaller with each passing year.  But it did seem somewhat bigger when I was 18 and she asked me one day, totally out of left field, what color "come" is.

Now, on most guys' list of "Questions That We Don't Want To Hear From Our Little Sisters", I imagine that one ranks fairly high, right up there with "Why do all the pages of the magazines under your mattress stick together?"  On the other hand, I did feel somewhat relieved that she still had to ask that question.

My second reaction was the fear of that question being followed by "How do you know?" if I answered her.

My third reaction was to wonder why the color mattered to her.  Was she worried about choosing underwear that wouldn't clash?

I honestly don't remembered how, or even if, I answered her.  Maybe my mind has intentionally suppressed the memory.  All I can say is ladies, girls, even though you may understandably regard big brother as the font of all wisdom, there are certain questions that are just too weird to answer.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

I have a 27-year-old nephew, Jonathan, who still lives at home with his parents.  Sadly, this is not so uncommon nowadays.  It seems our society has made it harder than ever before for young people to savor their first taste of independence, what with high post-secondary education costs creating onerous student debt burdens coupled with low-paying, precarious student jobs or, even worse, internships that offer no monetary payment whatsoever.

Jon, however, has no student debt, because he never continued his education beyond high school graduation.  It's not that he lacks the mental aptitude for college or even university study.  Indeed, he's a bright young man, whose marks in high school were good enough to put him on the honors list.  And it's not that he lacks the financial means to cover the cost of tuition and books.  His parents, while not overtly affluent, are a comfortable upper-middle-class couple who helped to finance Jon's older brother's post-secondary education and would happily do the same for Jon as well, if only he were willing to enroll.  But he isn't.

Instead, he lives in his parents' home, spending his leisure time playing computer video games.  He does not pay rent, because he has no job and therefore no income.  At this point, dear reader, you're  probably picturing a lazy, overweight freeloader.  If so, your mental image of Jon is incorrect.  In fact, he happily helps out around the house doing chores and odd jobs and he has been known to do volunteer work in the community.  But he refuses to seek gainful employment because nothing suits him.  There's always some reason for not applying for any given job; it's too far away and he has no means of transportation or he's unqualified or he just plain isn't interested in doing the type of work required.  He suffers from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and this provides a ready excuse for avoiding employment.  He may not have ready access to a bathroom or his boss might get irritated with him taking too many bathroom breaks.

He has lots of talent.  He's handy enough to be able to fix things and do simple home renovations and repairs, yet he eschews building on his knowledge of plumbing or carpentry or any other area of specialization in the field of home renovation or repair.  He's much more PC-literate than the average person and has built his own custom home PC, yet he would never consider joining the "Geek Squad" or taking a job as a computer technician.  And he's a born comedian.  He can mimic anyone or any accent.  He has a keen memory for movie lines and catch phrases.  Yet, when his older brother recently explored the idea of making him Master of Ceremonies. at his up-coming wedding, Jon flatly refused.  Public speaking is out of the question.

He has never had a girlfriend, although he's reasonably attractive and extremely physically fit.  He works out constantly.  Yet, he's not gay; he has never had a boyfriend either.  He has a wonderful sense of humor and an engaging personality.  

He's devoutly religious (Christian) and is somewhat prone to preaching.  But he readily admits that the root of his religious faith is a fear of eternal damnation.  He doesn't practice his faith out of a love for God, but rather out of a fear of the fires of hell.

And therein lies the key word that defines Jon.  Fear.  He's afraid to try anything new.  He is extremely averse to change, to the point where he wears the same type of shirt and pants every single day.  He's normally unwilling to try anything new or novel; hence the avoidance of post-secondary education and all forms of employment.  A friend of his father's recently got him a job working in a warehouse.  He didn't last a day.  Before the day was out, he had what can only be described as a panic attack and had to be sent home.

And yet, there have been rays of hope.  A couple of summers ago, he spent time in an indigenous community, spreading God's word among the young indigenous people there.  The local kids gave him good-natured nick names such as "Army Pants" (because of the camouflage pants that he constantly wears) and "Milk With Ears". At one point, he actually petted a wild wolf and came away with hands still attached to the end of both wrists.  He genuinely seemed to enjoy that experience, yet he has never seen fit to repeat or follow up on it.

Almost everyone who knows Jon, especially his family, gets frustrated with his unwillingness to try anything new.  His parents, his brother, his grandmother and, yes, even his uncle, are constantly trying to think of ways to "fix" him.  But it's not that easy.  While I'm no psychologist, I strongly suspect that Jon's fears and anxieties are the result of a mental illness or abnormality.

Mental illness is still largely misunderstood in our society.  Many people believe that everyone has complete control over their emotions and that, for example, not being depressed or afraid is simply a matter of deciding not to feel that way. The reality is, those suffering from any form of mental illness can no more make it stop than a person suffering from the flu can make their runny nose or watery eyes stop.  In both cases, there are treatments and medications that may help, but it's impossible to just wish the condition away.

So, maybe what Jon needs is counseling.  Doubtless that would help.  The problem is, he's no more willing to speak to a professional counselor any more than he is willing to try anything else new; at least, not in person.  But he does interact with others on-line.  He plays on-line computer games and, the rare times that he has actually applied for jobs, it has always been via on-line applications; never in person.

So perhaps on-line counseling is the answer.  That too is available nowadays.  I have recently exchanged e-mails with an online counseling web site known as betterhelp.com.  One of their representatives stumbled upon this blog and apparently though enough of my writing to suggest that we might provide links between the two sites.  Having not used betterhelp's services myself, and not yet knowing anyone who has, I can't yet provide any sort of testimonial for them but I've at least explored the site and the counseling service they offer sounds interesting.  Now if I can only convince Jon to give it a try.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

The Social Media Conundrum

Nowadays job search gurus and web sites such as LinkedIn.com are commonly advising their readers and members to be mindful of the content that they post on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, etc.  It's no secret that potential employers commonly browse the social media pages of prospective employees as part of their selection process.   I have read that some employers have admitted to disqualifying potential job candidates because of something that they read or saw on said candidate's Facebook page.

I'm a Facebook hold-out.  I don't have a Facebook account, because I am a natural introvert and I don't feel the need or the desire to share every detail of my life with a bunch of on-line "friends".  My real friends know where to find me and we keep abreast of the goings-on in each others' lives in the old-fashioned manner (i.e. by telephone or face-to-face communication).

If a potential employer "Googles" my name, they will find my LinkedIn profile, a bunch of photos on my Flickr page, my Google+ page (which I really don't keep up to date), some game reviews on a computer gaming site, and a handful of miscellaneous posts on technical web sites.  Ironically, they might not even necessarily find this blog, without browsing through several pages worth of results or clicking on related links, because I don't use my proper name here all that much (no, my name is not really "The Halmanator").  With a little more careful searching, they might come upon the video that I posted on YouTube in memoriam of my late son.

There is actually a Facebook account belonging to someone who happens to share my name, but that someone is not me. The same person also has a Twitter account, an Instagram account and, just to really confuse a potential employer, he`s also on LinkedIn.  Presumably anyone looking for me, or information about me, would soon realize that these accounts are not mine, based on the owner's age (he's younger than I), geographical location (he's in New Jersey, I'm in Ontario) and other such details.

This has got me speculating as to whether not having a social media presence might also reduce one's chances of getting hired.  I could well envision a scenario where a somewhat paranoid potential employer, dismayed at not finding me on any of the key social media sites, assumes that I must have something to hide, and disqualifies me in the interest of erring on the side of caution.

Well, let me say for the record that, if  you have my résumé in hand and you've arrived at this post because you're digging for more info about me and you're put off by my desire for a little privacy in my personal life, I probably don't want to work for you anyway.

Thanks for your Pinterest.