A Foretaste of Retirement

About a month ago, my boss walked up to my desk and asked, "Have you got a moment?"  If there's one thing that I've learned during my forty-one year career it's that, when your boss asks you that question, the correct answer is invariably "Yes".  So that's what I said, and she led me to one of the meeting rooms, where the Human Resources manager awaited us.

Uh-oh. 

Another thing that forty-one years in the workforce has taught me is that meetings with one's boss and any H.R. representative are rarely happy ones.

After the standard greetings had been exchanged and we were all seated, my boss spoke.  "We've noticed that you're still struggling with your work, due to your condition," (by which she meant Parkinson's disease) "and we feel that perhaps it might be time for you to take a short leave so that you can focus on your health."

I understood that a "short leave" meant my going on short term disability, which can be as long as twenty-six weeks (hardly my idea of "short") because my boss had tabled the possibility of my taking such a leave if my disease continued to affect my work during my last performance review.

Although the suggestion wasn't completely unexpected, I was still somewhat nonplussed.   It was true that some of my Parkinson's symptoms were proving to be hindrances to my work.  My typing speed had noticeably diminished due to reduced finger dexterity.  My mental focus was constantly divided between work activities like writing and debugging code, testing programs and updating documentation versus trying not to drool all over myself.  Another recent distraction was chronic lower back pain which I suspect resulted from improper posture caused by Parkinson's and which seemed to be exacerbated by prolonged sitting at my desk.  It's hard to concentrate when your back hurts.

So, yes, my work was somewhat impaired, but I honestly didn't feel that it was to such a degree that a six-month leave of absence was called for.  Clearly, my boss disagreed.  

The uncomfortable question that was bouncing around my brain was whether she was truly doing this out of concern for my health and well-being, or if this wasn't just a conveniently "nice" way to get rid of me.  After all, I would be off work and yet receiving my full salary for 14 weeks, after which I could stay off work at two-thirds of my regular pay for another 12 weeks. After that, I could return to the office in hopes that my long sabbatical had rejuvenated me to the point where I could once more be productive, or I had the option of switching to long term disability leave which, in my case, could take me right into retirement.  You see, I would be 64 years old at the end of my short term disability period, with less than a year left before I reached retirement age.

It is well-known, however, that Parkinson's disease doesn't get better.  It gets worse.  It's progress can be slowed with the help of medication, exercise, therapy and even surgical procedures, but none of these things has ever been able to reverse or even stop the deterioration.  It never gets better, so it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that I'm not going to magically return to my former job proficiency after my extended leave. 

With all these things taken into consideration, I decided to play along and go on short term disability leave, as suggested.  That was a month ago.  Since then, I've been off work.  It feels like I'm getting a sneak preview of what retirement will be like.  I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands.  This has its upside.  I always said that I'm not the kind of person who can't find any other way to pass the time besides my job.  I tend to make my own hobbies and pet projects.  Beyond those, there always seems to be lots to do in and around my home.  I have the time to exercise more regularly, and yet, I have to admit that there are times when I find myself wondering what I'm doing at home.  This just doesn't feel right.  I should be at the office debugging programs rather than whiling away my time at home.

My wife enjoys my increased presence.  For one thing, I now chauffeur her to work and back on days on which she's scheduled to work (she doesn't drive).  I've also assumed a larger share of the household chores than I did while working. 

The neighbors have noticed that I'm home most of the time and one of them, Ken, has taken this as his cue to be more sociable.  One day last week I was mowing my lawn when, suddenly, there was Ken, standing beside me.  I politely shut off my lawn mower so that I could hear him and he explained that he had tried to get my attention by waving to me several times, but I never saw him, so he finally decided that he would just have to come over.  Truth be told, I had noticed him a couple of times, waving his arms like he was practicing his semaphore, but I pretended not to.  I've nothing against the chap but, as I've declared several times throughout this blog, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool introvert.  As such, I don't generally enjoy exchanging pleasantries whom I don't know very well and, being an introvert, I've made no attempt to get to know any of my neighbors very well.

Ken began by expressing his concern because he'd noticed that I was home most of the time, but didn't come out of the house much, so he wondered if I was ill.  While mentally contemplating that I seem to have become the neighborhood Boo Radley, I assured him that I was fine but that I was on extended leave from work due to my Parkinson's condition (which he did know about) and that I was focusing on indoor projects and exercises.

Ken commented that he knew the company that I worked for and they have a good reputation for taking care of their employees and he wondered whether they still make computer racks.  I told him that they still do and he wondered whether they were made in Canada or in their Chinese plant because they'd moved production of some of their product to China and everything that came out of there was garbage and he couldn't get out much either these days because his minivan's rear axle had broken and the speedometer, odometer and fuel gauge didn't work properly and it was going to cost in the neighborhood of $5,000 to get it all repaired and at first he figured he'd just write off the old minivan and buy a used car but, darn it, used cars are ridiculously expensive these days, why you can't find anything for under $26,000 and even then you don't know what you're getting and nobody except for Chrysler even makes minivans anymore so he had decided to have his old minivan repaired after all but it wasn't going to be done until the end of the month but aside from the problems he'd already mentioned the car was in pristine condition because he's been meticulous about caring for it for example he has the bottom oil sprayed every year so that it's free from rust because he's seen too many cars whose bottoms just rust out from under them especially the newer models because the auto manufacturers have taken to using ridiculously thin sheet metal ever since 2019 and that just doesn't hold up speaking of which how do I like the Hyundai that I'm driving these days and he talked for 45 minutes while I stood there smiling and nodding and wondering if I would ever be able to finish mowing my lawn.

As painful as it was having to listen to Ken's endless oratory, the realization came to me that I can now afford to waste that kind of time because I've nowhere else to be.  The jury is still out on whether this whole situation is a blessing or a curse. 

How Not To Keep Employees

I've changed jobs again.

Long-time readers of this blog will recall that I started the job which I just left back in April of 2010.  The company that I worked for before fell victim to the Great Recession of 2008/2009, so I found myself unemployed.  It took me six months to find another job, which is not bad compared with some of the stories of job search frustration that I've heard.

I have to credit the management of the company that I just left for seeing beyond my technical knowledge, which was not a strong match for what they generally sought in a potential employee, and seeing some promise in my long years of work experience, doing many of the same things that their employees typically did, albeit with different technology.  Also, full disclosure, I was able to get a referral from someone close to the company president, which probably didn't hurt my chances either.  No matter, the fact remains that  they took a chance on me, and I spent almost nine years hopefully vindicating their faith in me.

Sadly, I was never truly happy in all the time that I worked there and, the longer I stayed, the clearer it became to me that none of my fellow employees were happy either.  The company in question is a small, family-run business with only about 13 employees excluding management; i.e. members of the family that owns the company.  In spite of my nine year tenure, I was the second newest employee in that company.  They have hired a  new person since my departure yet, even so, I believe that leaves only two current employees with less than 9 years tenure.  Most of the remaining staff has been there for 20 years or more.

My point is that this company is blessed with a small but highly experienced and dedicated staff.  You would think that they would want to do everything in their power to hold on to people like that.  Instead, the company management seems to be doing almost everything wrong where their employee relations are concerned.  If they had a handbook outlining their managerial policies and practices, it would probably read something like this:

Blood Lineage Is The Only Managerial Qualifier

Never, under any circumstances, grant any form of managerial or decision making authority to any employee whose last name is not the same as that of the company owners.  A business is to be run as a kingdom.  God has ordained that only those of the proper lineage shall rule.  There is no need to search for managerial talent outside of the family bloodline.  Heaven forbid that you might accidentally import any new and strange ideas about how to manage the company from outsiders.

Do Not Communicate

Never tell your employees anything.  Everything is a Big Secret.  Don't tell them if you're planning on hiring someone new or if someone has given notice of their resignation.   The others will find out for themselves in due time.  Let that rumor mill run rampant.

Expect Employees To Accept Work For Which They Are Unqualified

Feel free to make your employees responsible for doing things that are outside of their job description and for which they have no formal training.  A good employee should be able to figure things out for themselves.  To cover yourself, be sure that all job descriptions include verbiage such as "Other tasks as required", which can mean anything from mopping the floor to flying an airliner.  And, whatever you do...

Do Not Train

Employees who receive formal training acquire credentials that only make them more attractive to other enterprises.  This inevitably leads to their leaving your company and then all of the time and expense that you invested in their training is out the window.  If an employee lacks the knowledge to perform a task which has been assigned to them, why, that's that Google is for.

Do Not Document

Writing down standards and procedures takes time and reduces productivity.  If you do document anything, do it once and never review it to ensure that it is still current.  After all, change doesn't happen.

Do Not Replace Staff When They Leave

If someone leaves, simply re-assign their duties to the remaining staff.  Nobody ever works at 100% capacity and there's always room to take on additional responsibilites.

Micro-manage

Your employees cannot be trusted to do their jobs in an independent and professional manner.  It is up to you to tell them how to do everything, right down to the precise wording of e-mails to customers.  Freeing your employees from the burden of prioritizing their own work and thinking for themselves helps to reduce their stress levels.

Punish Good Performance

When you do need to assign additional work to someone, be sure to give it to those employees who are the most productive.  This only makes sense as they will be the best equipped to handle the additional workload and stress.

Reward Low Ambition

There will always be those employees who whine and complain any time that you try to assign them a task that falls outside of their perceived responsibilities, just as there will always be those with more of a "can do" attitude who are willing to accept new challenges and learn new things.  When assigning new tasks, it's best to assign them to the ambitious ones.  They'll put up much less of a fuss, thus saving you time and frustration.  Don't worry about lopsided work loads and responsibilities, or "fairness", whatever that means. 

Avoid Giving Performance Reviews  

Employees should not need regular reminders of your goals and expectations of them, especially since these never change.  They should also have a good idea of their own performance without need of feedback from you.

If you tell an employee that you're pleased with their performance, they will likely expect increased compensation.  Conversely, don't express your concerns to an employee who is not performing up to expectations, or provide goals or suggestions for improvement.  If they can't figure out and correct their own shortcomings, you can always fire them.  If it does come to this, see the directive about not replacing staff.

The Job Is Of Prime Importance

As a business owner, you eat, sleep and breath your work, often putting in 50 to 60 hours a week.  You should expect nothing less from your employees.  Never mind that they are almost certainly nowhere near as well compensated as you are, nor that they will naturally be less invested than you, having no personal stake in the business beyond a paycheck.  They owe you complete and total loyalty for being given the privilege of working for you.  Family responsibilities, health issues, personal hobbies and general well-being should not impinge upon work responsibilities.  The work-life balance should always be weighted toward work.  Your employees should live to work, not work to live.

In my letter of resignation, I did not elaborate on any of the above.  Instead, I merely commented that the company has a morale problem and that the staff feels over-burdened and over-stressed.  Sadly, I fear that this too will merely be dismissed as the unimportant grumblings of a malcontent.