A-Nit Pickin' and A-Grinnin'

Out on runway number nine
Big 707 set to go
While I'm stuck here on the ground
With a pain that ever grows

Those lines are from one of Gordon Lightfoot's most famous songs, Early Mornin' Rain.  But did you know that Lightfoot made a technical error when he wrote the lyrics to that song?  A later verse goes like this...

Hear the mighty engines roar
See the silver bird on high
She's away and westward bound
Far above the clouds she'll fly

Do you see it?  It's such a glaring mistake, it makes you wonder how he could possibly have missed it, doesn't it?

... (Crickets) ...

Okay, for the benefit of those few of you who might not be familiar with the ways of aviation, runway numbers are based on the compass direction in which the runway faces.  Runway 36 would face to a heading of 360 degrees (north).  Runway 27 would face to a heading of 270 degrees (west), but runway number nine faces to a heading of 90 degrees.  That's due east!  Any airplane taking off from runway number nine would be away and eastward bound, not westward.  Apparently, the song's protagonist was cold and drunker than he realized!

What makes it even sadder, is how easily this could have been fixed; just change the word "westward" to "eastward". 

Hear the mighty engines roar
See the silver bird on high
She's away and eastward bound
Far above the clouds she'll fly

There. Perfect. 

Alternatively, if the airplane really must be going westward for some obscure reason, you could alter the earlier verse instead, like this ...

Out on runway twenty-seven
Big 707 set to go
While I'm stuck here on the ground
With a pain that ever grows

Now the plane can happily be away and westward bound in the other verse.  But, personally, I prefer my first suggestion because, although the first and third lines of the verse don't need to rhyme, Out on runway twenty-seven just doesn't roll off the tongue as effortlessly as Out on runway number nine, does it?

In Lightfoot's defense, he's not alone in making these lyrical faux pas.  In fact, I could point out a few more obvious ones (and you know that I will).

One of Chris de Burgh's best-known classics is a song named A Spaceman Came Traveling.  It starts out...

A spaceman came traveling on his ship from afar
T'was light years of time since his mission did start

D'OH!!!  Only the second line and he's already wrecked the song!  Okay, surely nobody missed that one, right?  Light years is a measure of distance, not of time.  Specifically, a light year measures the distance that light travels in one year.  Who wrote those lyrics, the same guy who said that the Millenium Falcon made the Kessel Run in less that twelve parsecs?

Once again, easy fix...

A spaceman came traveling on his ship from afar
T'was light years away that his mission did start

And .... done.

One more example.  This time, I'll pick on Neil Diamond and his well-known song, Play Me.  (Note that I'm not picking obscure songs that nobody has ever heard of here.  Every single example so far has been taken from one of the singer's best-known songs!)  Consider this verse ...

Songs she sang to me
Songs she brang to me
Words that rang in me
Rhyme that sprang from me

"Brang???"  What the hell is "brang"?  That's not even a word!  If you mean the past tense of "bring", Neil, the word is "brought".  Of course, that doesn't rhyme, so this is a bit trickier to fix.  Hmmm, let's see now ... how about ...

Songs she sought for me
Songs she brought to me ...

No.  That doesn't really work, does it?  What if we change the tense?

Songs she'd sing to me
Songs she'd bring to me
Words would ring in me
Rhyme would spring in me

Yes!  There you are!  So Gord, Chris, Neil, now that I've done the heavy lifting for you, I expect you to use my new and improved lyrics any time you perform these songs from now on.  In fact, maybe you could nip into the studio and record revised versions of all three using the "proper" lyrics.  I don't think that's asking too much.

Cordially, Your Friendly Neighborhood Halmanator